|
|
|
I'm feeling pretty inspired for creating lately. In this week I made two complicated scripts for PHP and several manipulations.
In other related subject... I'm started looking for a job today. I know the people which hire me will be pretty lucky because my mood is so good for it.
I feel really inspired.
| |
|
|
When you want to know your vocation they always ask you a question... Where will you work even without a pay?.
Well, I know where I would do it, I would be art restorer in the Louvre or, why not? at Del Prado museum in Spain.
My other choice would be illustrator for children's book. It sounds so pretty ^_^... I always use technyques which are compatible with that kind of books and I always do it just for fun. I just visited the website of Quentin Blake, which was the main illustrator of Roald Dahl (and if you dont who this person is you will feel ashamed after investigate him) and I feel inspired to try harder in this area.
What is worrying me is the fact I'm and adult and I still don't know what I'm going to do for living. I just know I won't finish being a normal being... I just can't U_U
| |
|
I left Vampirefreaks.com
|
03.07.07
|
|
Yeah, after 3 years there finally I deleted my account. How I feel? well, motivated. It's a part of me growing up... an opportunity for making new stuff. Yes, I miss it too much but it's a phase it should have an end, and now the circumstances made it possible.
Well, as a look to the back I'm going to list some successful facts I gained inside the site. If you don't like the exceeded pride this is the moment for stop reading and clicking on comment. If you don't mind go on:
- When there were already four cults (forums) dedicated to my country I decided to create my own. I made it 10 times bigger than any other of those previously existent cults. In other words I made the biggest cult of my country.
- Then my ambicion was creating the biggest in my language (spanish), I already have it with 'Mexico' but now I want it in an international level. So 'Espanol' became 3 times bigger than any other cult in this language, having more than 1500 once.
- Then I wanted to break the language barer, so I made the ViP cult, for the people with more successes in the "VF society". In other words the populars. With it I made the most famous cult of his time. With radical opinions, yeah, but the most famous at the end. Thanks to it existed more than 30 new cults, with copies and cults against it. This cult made my rates (votes in my profile) grew up from 4,000 to 8,000 in a couple of months.
- I became the hispanic with more votes, 14,500. Being part of the 35 people with more votes in history. Thats something like 30/1,000,000
- I was the Featured Member in the day my country was conceived, that's september 15th, independence day. Just two days after the canadian massacre where a member of the site was responsible. That day I received more than 20 thousands of visits. I don't know if any other hispanics were featured before me.
- One of my videos in the site was the 6th most visited ever. Ate least before I leave. Almost 10 thousand people watched it.
- I was one of the 14 administrators of the site, the first one without english as his first language. Before there was only people from USA, UK and Canada. 14/1,000,000
This are only numbers, because the most important thing were the friendships I made after being all that time there. Some of them reals, which I guess they will remain not matter I don't have a profile any longer. Other made by convenience which I wont hear from them anymore. Which is a good thing.
I would like to make a list of them but I know I'll forget names.
| |
|
I know I didn't type much
|
02.05.07
|
|
The thing is, I don't know what to type. Yeah, I'd been living interestin stuff but I didn't feel like doing it, I'm not in a good mod I guess.
I'll try to update you, days ago Muse played in my city. If you know me you know Muse is my favorite band since 8 years ago (maybe more). I was so happy there and I'm sure that was the best concert I'd been so far. Best thing was they came 3 days before my birthday,
Mmmm well, that was interesting too. My birthday but this time I didn't feel anything special, bah, a birthday more and that's it. I miss those days when I was excited or worried about it, now it was just bah, sad, isnt it?
In random stuff, last night I dream I was talking with Dolores O'Riordan, Julieta Venegas and Fey. I told them that with only they I had more than 25 albums in my collection. And well... even it was supoissely to be Fey she wasn't, and I tried to tell her she was my favorite one. Anyway, I'd listened to their records in different times of my life and I'm still thinking The Cranberries has been my favorite band ever, even in this moment it is Muse, but hey, The Cranberries doesn't exist anymore, it's not my fault =oP
In one more thing, last night, when I was waiting to the subway I started to feel strange but without thinking on anything. Then when the train was about to arrive, just a few yards from me, I felt like vanish from myself, like I was leaving my body and I leave myself falling to the train road. For a moment I wasn't me and I was nobody. But then I had a reaction and I woke up. Nothing to worry, I'm sure, but it was really strange.
| |
|
The Story of my Life...
|
27.03.07
|
|
Im going to share a bit of it, from the perspective of my relationships. Women come thinking they are going to find a mean and cool guy which they will look better at his side, then they know me, they dissapoint of me, they get bored and finally they leave me. The End.
Its not only on my sentimental relations, it's the same in any kind of them. At school, when the courses beggins, people aproache to me, they talk to me, they follow me... and aslong with the days they slowly leave me. It's not a coincidence I'd always hanged out with the people which didn't fit on any other group.
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me, why people imagine things about me, why I fail them. Is it that I'm not following my destiny? Is it maybe that the world is expecting something from me because of the characteristics of myself and I'm just ignoring the rol I have to do?
Maybe I'm smashed with all this pressure and I'm not doing what I suposse to do, but.. why I have to be what the world expects from me?
| |
|
Beborn Beton - Forever
|
22.03.07
|
|
|
Why don't you see this pain lasts forever
We would be living together apart
For we wouldn't go far
We would never be able to cope with
The ones that we are
So let us be what we shall be
Forever
|
¿Por qué no ves que este dolor durará por siempre?
Podríamos vivir separados pero no llegaríamos lejos.
No podríamos hacerle frente así como somos.
Así que déjanos ser lo que debemos ser por siempre.
| |
Sometimes I'm sad and I cry and I wish it would rain
Sometimes when I see despair in your eyes
And you need someone to help you get over the pain
Though I try to hold on to my dreams
Of a world without anger and fear
It's so hard to believe we'll be saved from what's going on.
|
Algunas veces estoy triste y lloro deseando que estuviera lloviendo.
Algunas veces cuando veo desesperación en tus ojos
y necesitas alguien que te ayude a aguantar el dolor.
A pesar de que trato de aferrarme en sueños
a un mundo sin ira y miedo,
es difícil creer que nos salvarán de lo que está sucediendo.
| |
Here in my realm I allow you to tell me your needs
Here is the peace that you seek when you bleed
From the wounds you take while living the life you beseech
Did I tell you I knew all along?
Don't you think there is some kind of truth in it
Wasn't it you who walked out on me,
Wasn't that you?
|
Aquí en mi reino te permito decirme tus necesidades.
Aquí está la paz que buscas cuando sangras
de las heridas que te hiciste mientras vivías la vida que tanto pediste.
¿Te dije que lo sabía todo desde un principio?
¿No crees que hay algo de cierto en eso?
¿No fuiste tú la que me pisoteó?
¿No fuiste tú?
| |
Why don't you see this pain lasts forever
We would be living together apart
For we wouldn't go far
We would never be able to cope with
The ones that we are
So let us be what we shall be
Forever
|
¿Por qué no ves que este dolor durará por siempre?
Podríamos vivir separados pero no llegaríamos lejos.
No podríamos hacerle frente así como somos.
Así que déjanos ser lo que debemos ser por siempre.
| |
Sometimes I'd like you to die 'cause it drives me insane
There is whole lot of china that's broken
But I am not the one to take over the blame
And you knew that we had our chance
Couldn't live with or without one another
I guess we'd be better off dead than together
|
Algunas veces quisiera que murieras, es que esto me vuelve loco.
Hay montón de platos rotos,
pero no soy a quien hay que culpar.
Sabías que teníamos oportunidad.
No podemos vivir el uno sin el otro.
Supongo que es mejor muertos que juntos.
| |
Why don't you see this pain lasts forever
We would be living together apart
For we wouldn't go far
We would never be able to cope with
The ones that we are
So let us be what we shall be
Forever
|
¿Por qué no ves que este dolor durará por siempre?
Podríamos vivir separados pero no llegaríamos lejos.
No podríamos hacerle frente así como somos.
Así que déjanos ser lo que debemos ser por siempre.
| |
Why don't you see this pain lasts forever
We would be living together apart
For we wouldn't go far
We would never be able to cope with
The ones that we are
So let us be what we shall be
Forever
|
¿Por qué no ves que este dolor durará por siempre?
Podríamos vivir separados pero no llegaríamos lejos.
No podríamos hacerle frente así como somos.
Así que déjanos ser lo que debemos ser por siempre.
|
| |
|
206 millions of dollars
|
20.03.07
|
|
Maybe I'll start adding images on my posts, after all this looks like a blog now.
Don't you love my country? A few days ago the police found $206,000,000 USD cash in a drug dealer's house.
The third richest man on Earth is mexican and well... the rest of the mexicans are starving, with bad remunerated jobs, under the authority abuse of everydays, etc. Sometimes I understand why is that mexicans look for fake messiahs under any loser who speak us nice.
I'm so afraid of living here, I choose that the rest of my life I'll live in a different country. Or maybe Im just a lier who is looking for any kind of pretext to justify the leaving. ^_^
[Image of the Money]
| |
|
Trust and Treason
|
09.03.07
|
|
I know its not true but thats how I feel.
Tomorrow I'll take my kittens to the vet, they will be in surgery so they won't have babies. Thats cool, I take care of them... But watching them walking so peaceful, with confidence, trust. Watching them approach me, looking to be petted, to be loved... I don't know, it makes me feel like I would betray them. The fact I know something they don't, which will affect them directly, it makes me feel bad.
Its for their own good, I know, I just feel a bit bad for doing it, thats all.
| |
|
My Eyes are the World
|
17.02.07
|
|
I was thinking about it.
In the last couple of years Id been feeling sad, it seems the whole world is wrong and it wasnt like this before, it was just a second, from perfection to pain. In one day the impetus, the motivation, the dreams were gone.... The perception about myself is not longer the same.
Anyway, I think I could fight for feeling myself ok again, but then I though... If the world is what I see, what stops me to see what I want? Why the madness is not well seen when the crazy people are the only braves who dare to change the world from theirselves? Why looking for the recognizion of the others when humanity shows us that you can be betrayed in an instant? Who tell us that the people we want to please will pay us in the same way? Why clinging to a world which shows us how lonely we are? Why to keep rejecting the madness?
What if suddenly I reject reality and I start to build my own?
Is this running away or being brave?
| |
|
|
Some people asked me about the meaning of the image at the top of the page. Its pretty hard for me to explain it but Ill try.
The similitude with The Birth of Venus is not a coincidence. In that painting the spiritual beauty and the purity are represented by the naked body. A friend represented me with similar symbolisms once. I like that idea about me. At least I try to be honest and thats why I expose myself just like I am. Without hiding myself under external elements. From that painting also comes the color of the table.
But not everything is nice, you can see me beaten. Lately I felt myself like that, also a bit tired. This doesnt mean Im defeated. You can see Im thinking in the picture. It seems like Im trying to get what it happened, what took me to this. Still, Im stand and calmed. Its just a bit of melancholy.
My body is hurted, but my hair flows with the wind. My hair is my spirit, my tenacity, what it push me to keep going.
The background is the woods, people says it represent the Death, but to me always has brough me the peace. At the image, the wood is next to the road. Its not like going inside of it, no, next to it. And the reason of it is giving me the balance, visualy at the composition and spiritual in real life.
Can you love something that you don't know? Since my first contact with the internet Id collected images of snow. If you know me Im sure you had a conversation about the snow as the principal subject with me. But as I stated, Id never see the snow in my life and still I feel like its something important in my life. Like my dreams, which arent real but still they exist.
Im all the above but still Im besides everything. Thats why my photography is not integrated with the background, thats me, distant from the world. Me, creating a space between everything. An important part of my personality.
Is this have sense? Am I more superficial than what I want to show? Or maybe Im deeper than what I normally show? Tell me what you think.
| |
|
|
Today my brother has 10,000 days of life, if you want to say him congratulations or something visit his VF Profile.
If you want to know how many days you have visit this page and tell me.
| |
|
Fire, Email and Muse
|
25.01.07
|
|
Today my house was in real danger of fire. Too close because half of the electrical instalation burned.
I finished taking my bath when the electrical wire started to be red as long a buzz came from everywhere. Soon the bathroom was full of smoke, like a wave coming from the ceiling aslong the only light iluminating me was red from the wires.
Everything calmed and then a resintaled a bit of the electrical instalation. Half of my house is without electricity now, but at least we are ok.
Today I received two good news, first one is she started to give lessons in a pro level. Im pretty excited and I think she diserves it, she was fighting a lot for it. The second one is, my favorite band of all times comes for the first time to Mexico, three days before my birthday.
| |
|
|
Another dream, in this one I was on a japanesse garden. Some people were filming a movie and I saw the trow some Bamboos to the sky, I though, japanesse are weird.
I saw her, she was sitted in a stone banch with a friend aslong I was bitting a strange flower, I don't know why it took my attetion so hard than I even bited it. I tasted it and then I gave it to a hummingbird. The flower made the bird insane and it flew away to the trees. I don't know what it did but I saw red and yellow objects falling just above her, I ran trying to save her but I saw they were just petals, so I grab them and trow them to her.
Then I saw the Bamboos the japanesse trow to the saky started to fall as spears on her. I was worried but able of stop them with the palm of my hands. Giant arrows stopped just with my hands. Then another group more and another more. I felt how each impact destroyed my hands a bit more and more, even like that I stopped the whole bamboos.
When they stopped falling I went to a public bathroom for wasking my hands
The bathroom has no doors and it was pretty big. There were some men giving use to it. Anyway, I went to the washbasin so I could remove the blood emaning from my hands. I was feeling a lot of pain. Then I saw her, but she was outside the door. She felt embarrased because of the people using the bathroom. I though "I just destroyed my hands trying to save her and she only cares if some unknow would be unconfortable with her presence".
I finished the hand washing and went to a sofa. Under the sits my kitties came up, I smiled a bit. Then I saw how a ghost murdered a man which was outside a room. I was curious so I went inside the room trying to find the murder, then I woke up.
| |
|
Santa Claus exists...
|
24.12.06
|
|
When I was getting ready for the Xmas dinner and at the front of the door of my door Santa Claus left me a present. A Sudokus book, How Santa knows everything about me? Its the best present of my life and I didnt even wait for it.
| |
|
|
A dream, we are waiting to cross a street and I turned back to her and told her to the ear "I miss you", she smiled and hugged me. I woke up and Im crying. Only the truth, I miss her.
| |
|
|
I woke up at the middle of the night with my mind clear thinking "I didnt took her to the Circus".
When we still together one day she told me she wanted to go to the circus. I didnt take her and the circus finished it season.
Why if I knew she wanted to go I ignored her?
I woke up at the middle of the night with my mind clear thinking that if Im not longer with her is because I failed, because I ignored her needs.
| |
|
They knock the door but I don't open it...
|
11.12.06
|
|
Whats wrong with me? This is the second time in a row that unknow girls tried to hook with me when I go to the bars. Mmmm its normal, I know, but not in this way.
A few days ago I went with some friends to a bar, one of they said one of the girls there was the hottest in place. I guess he was shocked by her height, almost 6'0'', anyway, he made the comment and we forgot her. A bit later she was behind of me, the whole time. Acting cute, touching me, etc. Even she hug my leg when she was crouched next to me because "she was falling" Everytime she walked next to me her heavy sight was on me, constant and in a hunting way. Anyway, everything stopped because I left.
Today, something similar happened, a girl staring me the whole night... trying to be sexy, making lap dance kind stuff aslong as she saw me. Eventually she got tired of sending her signals without answer and she took her bag and runaway leaving her friends behind. I didnt know more about her, just that her friends ran looking for them and when I leave they cameback alone... giving me a bad sight.
Am I wrong? People says that males don't need too much. Even we are unfaithful because we cant deny a chance. Here I am, hearing how they knock at my door and I don't want to open. I think I don't want to blur de memory of her yet.
| |
|
Dream: The Bank and the Mountain
|
08.12.06
|
|
The Dream was about me at the bank. I was with my brother and we saw how our parents tried to remove the money from my account. My father insisted that the bank could give him the secret number knowing only my password (which was the word silver)
My brother and myself asked a cashier about our founds and she told us I just have $190 USD, it wasnt the first time they took money from my account.
I was angry and then I saw her, she was walking with a guy and she told me he was her new boyfriend (I never see this person before). I tried to be nice so I said Hello to them. I started to walk with them and I saw on his hand the ring from a school, it was mine and he was rude and didnt stop showing me it on the face.
I started to walk faster, I wanted to loss them and when we were near to the subway stairs (which in fact was a rollercoaster) I made as I was about using them but when they started to come in a turned back and started to climb.
Then she tried to pull my hand but I felt and I could only take her glove... I felt and broke my neck. And as my dream was a movie the camera made a close up to my hand which still was grabbing the glove. I died and I knew it. I guess its a lie that if you die in a dream you die in real life.
| |
|
